Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Mizzou, Chris Christie, Jets, Newt, Palin

You’ve never heard of Henry Josey. If you know that surname at all, it’s from “The Outlaw Josey Wales,” the 1976 Clint Eastwood classic.

Time for a remake: The Tiger Henry Josey. Wearing cleats for spurs, he galloped 263 yards Saturday in Missouri’s mashing of Western Illinois. In one half. No wonder he sat out the last 30 minutes. My Tigers were on the way to a 69-0 rout. And up next is No. 1 Oklahoma. In Norman.

Saddle up again, Josey. Only this time we'll need you for all four quarters. Hope you have another Wales of a game.

Big Jersey Boy. Chris Christie better run. Not for president. For his health. If he keeps gaining weight, he'll gain a new name: Chris Crisco.

Did you see him this summer beside obummer overseeing the New Jersey flooding? The governor looked like an inner tube against the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

Right there, Christie would get punctured in a medical debate. Imagine him taking the wise stand and stressing personal responsibility: "Lose the pounds, America. Quit sowing out and start jogging — right past the hospital." If the Jersey boss made that case, he'd sound like a fat stand-up.

So no, 2012 is out for Christie's presidential ambitions. Get fit first. Then fight in 2016 — if lefty's still in the red house.

Dang Green.
The Jets have that winning color: 2-0 and cruising toward what could be their first Super Bowl triumph in 43 seasons. Mark Sanchez does look like the Sanchize. Only here's the problem for us Jet ments. No matter how strong his arm is, he still stands 6-2. That made him a twerp against the towering Steel Curtain in last January's AFC final. As long as defensive linemen resemble Wilt the Stilt, our New York boys are facing a slam dunk at crunch time.

Code Green. Here we go again with darts at Sarah Palin's intellect. Now even Ann Coulter — the coolest columnist on the planet — has to join the lazy crowd laughing at Palin's brain. Yes, too bad the governor doesn't sink to the brilliance of pinkos swindled by weather justice — to the tune of half a billion tax dollars in the Solyndra scandal. Ride above it all, Sarah, right into the White House in January 2013.

MVM. That's Most Valuable Man for Kirk Gibson. He's the only dude in an Arizona Diamondback uniform you recognize. And he's the manager. The players? Faceless. All he's done is lead them to the brink of the National League West title. Everyone figured the San Francisco Giants would ride herd in the West like they did on way to last year's world championship. Only Gibson is whipping his Backs to the playoffs instead. Kirk has that clutch fiber, as he showed something fierce in the 1984 and 1988 World Series.

Wake up. The sharpest presidential candidate in the race right now? Newt Gingrich. The man soars with sagacity. While the other Republicans waste time in the debates grumbling among themselves, Gingrich presses the crucial point — beat Obama — in presidential prose. Newt probably can't overcome Clinton's 1995 demonization of him. But if Palin or Romney deftly puts Gingrich on the ticket, you can only imagine how Newt would handle Joe Biden in the veep debate. As Pat Buchanan put in when pondering a one-on-one against Dan Quayle, it would be child abuse.

Click. The best TV show in 2011? "Suits." The USA lawyer drama rocks with Gabriel Macht, Patrick Adams and the marvy Meghan Markle. Just maddening that it won't return till next summer.

Darn that W. George Bush must be a winning issue for obummer. Hence the 44th prez's stuck needle in W's record. Unemployment is a replay of 1938? Blame Bush. We can't finish off the Taliban? Bush's fault. The White Sox suck? Damn that Ranger fan.

Since that tack works so well, obummer should go back longer. Preteen sex is rampant? Slam Clinton. Highways are rotting? Implicate Ike. Obesity out of hand? Trash Taft. Hurricanes in the Gulf? Hit Jefferson.

See how easy that is? The buck simply bypasses this Oval Office.

Bucky Fox is an author and editor in Southern California: BuckyFox@yahoo.com.

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