Friday, March 25, 2016

Trump is a Stand-up Guy on the Stump, and his Throngs Love It

Americans are crazy about Donald Trump.

As am I, so nutty I listen to just about every Trump speech on my long California commute.

Nothing on the air is more entertaining.

Aside from Build The Wall and We’re Gonna Knock The Hell Out Of ISIS — which ignite seismic cheers — Trump’s lines lasso fans with the levity of a stand-up comic.

“Folks, what’s more fun than a Trump rally?” he likes to bark while a disrupter gets hauled off.

The answer is in the numbers. Over 30,000 fans have jammed venues in Alabama, with 20,000 packing Mississippi, Oklahoma, Florida and Texas and 10,000 in Ohio, Vermont, New Hampshire, Iowa, Illinois, Georgia, Arizona, South Carolina, North Carolina, Arkansas, Louisiana, Nevada, Michigan and Missouri.

Why do so many like him? Because Trump speaks nationalist — the language of America first. Stop illegal immigration. Hold off the Muslim/terror flood. Treat veterans right. Lower taxes to keep companies in this country. Rework trade deals to bring back jobs.

City Cracks

Trump speaks New York, full of his trademark “that I can tell you.” He mixes gut with gag:

“I was watching the news a little while ago and one of the commentators, who I’m not particularly fond of — but these are minor details.”

“I don’t care if you’re dying. I don’t care if your wife just said she’s leaving you. Get out and vote.”

“I carried all the groups: tall people, short people, fat people, skinny people.”

“I’ll have the toughest people make our deals, guys who are so disgusting you’d never want to have dinner with them. Who cares?”

“First of all, I don’t believe anything Telemundo says.”

“Obama better be glad I didn’t run last time. He would’ve been a one-term president.”

“You know why we didn’t build the wall before? We couldn’t get environmental approval. Woulda hit a toad, maybe a snake. You think China got an environmental impact statement before digging up the South China Sea? I don’t think so.”

The Trumpet belts it all out without a script. Without teleprompters. He takes to the podium amid the hysteria, pulls out a piece of paper with notes, says “Oh wow” and riffs.

Comedic, Caustic Candidate

Other highlights on the Trump Trail of speeches and press conferences that started in June and will climax with his presidential victory Nov. 8.

Cutting off a long question from a radio guy: “No one’s listening to you.”

Dealing with his ground game: “We’re working hard on our ground forces.”

Answering a New Hampshire pacifist’s whine about our atom-bombing of Japan: “Do you remember this thing called Pearl Harbor? It turned out we were stronger, meaner and smarter.”

On a business backing from months before: “Carl Icahn endorsed me the other day.”

On a laudatory cover story from two months before: “You really have to read this week’s Time magazine.”

On the budget: “President Obama is a lousy negotiator with everybody except when he deals with the Republicans. Then he gets everything he wants.”

On Ben Carson: “How many people has he hired, a couple of nurses?”

On Mexican leaders bashing his border plan: “The wall just got 10 feet higher.”

On the crummy Iran deal: “The ayatollah would never be called the supreme leader by Trump. That I can tell you.”

On the past two elections: “McCain lost, Romney lost. I said, ‘The next time I’m just gonna do it myself.’ ”

“Sometimes there’s just no better word than the word stupid.”

“Most politicians want your money. They say: ‘I’ll take anything. Give us an undershirt!’ ”

“If you’re not gonna vote for me, don’t vote!

Chris Matthews: “What are your tools (to get things done)?” Trump: “Me.”

“Who’s gonna pay for the wall?” Crowd: “Mexico!”

Praising Ann Coulter’s best-seller “Adios, America”: “You have to go out and buy her book ‘Adios, Amigo.’ ”

On hitting Hillary with Bill’s philandering: “Believe me, they had a rough weekend after that. If they were even together.”

Analyzing Marco Rubio’s ragged try at trashing Trump: “Hostility is not for everyone.”

Prime Time For Primaries

The March 15 Trump Show turned into the funniest victory act since Costello beat Abbott.

“Nobody has ever, ever in the history of politics received the kind of negative advertising that I have. … By the way, mostly false. I wouldn’t say 100%, but about 90%.”

“Then a commercial comes on. The worst commercial, and I’m with these wonderful people from Cadillac and all these top executives, and I’m saying, ‘Look over there! Look! Don’t watch it. Don’t. You don’t want to watch it.’ I’m saying, ‘Isn’t the grass beautiful? Look! Look! Don’t watch.’ ”

The genteel Palm Beach audience howled and stood with fervor. Trump towered again.

Bucky Fox is an editor, author and columnist in Southern California.

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